Sign me up . . . for DEATH!

I got this one in the mail.

Accidental death enrollment form

Accidental death enrollment form

How would you like to accidentally die, Mr. Jackowski? Check one:

  • Work site dismemberment
  • Vending machine
  • Excessive laughter
  • Pudding
  • Assassination by Jaws †
  • Bomb

Note that none of these options constitutes suicide or terrorism and therefore do not come with any guarantee or expectation of virgins in the afterlife. Further, we are not affiliated with any church or religion, and thus provide no guarantee of an afterlife. However, you will be expected to pay back the loan by making regular payments after your untimely demise.

† This agreement is null and void if you manage to out-smart Jaws and survive the assassination attempt.

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