What to do on the Enterprise-D

I found myself recently contemplating what I would do if I found myself on the Enterprise-D from Star Trek.

First, I would find the holodeck and destroy it before it could destroy me. That thing is way too dangerous. Where was the months long, if not years long, investigation into what went wrong the first time someone was hurt in there? After it managed to take control of the ship, why weren’t these things removed immediately from the entire fleet? I’m not going to take any chances; I won’t even step inside that room. I can use one of those phaser thingys to scar the walls while standing outside after I wreck the power supply and control system.

Second, I would install fuses and circuit breakers. It seems like every time something slams into the Enterprise, nasty dangerous sparks fly out of exposed cabling. The crew members doing damage control have enough to worry about without sparks igniting something. It shows up on lots of fiction shows set in space in the future. I guess we’re supposed to think that people will forget how to make fuses or how to useĀ circuit breakers because sparks get safer, but hat doesn’t make any sense.

For that matter, why are there so many wires that can fall down from the ceiling of the bridge? Didn’t they network together everything? They ought to be able to send plenty of data on a single cable, and I bet some things don’t even need much bandwidth. That leaves power. How much power do they need in the ceiling? Do they have 50kW stage lighting?

Oh, that’s right. It is stage lighting because it’s a stage. That makes the Enterprise-D much less exciting, but still not bad. In that case, I’d bring my camera.

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