I am Ling, Chinese Human Female UK Car Expert

I accidentally resorted my email and found this gem from May 2006. It starts:

Hello, I am Chinese Contract Hire female human expert, Ling Valentine.

Oh, a female human expert. I could use some help from one of those!

I am unique in the UK!

There must be copies in several other countries.

I bring you best UK car takeaway service menu!

It is the Chinese car takeout service. The first car leaves you wanting a second.

I have 290 customer letters on website to prove I am not flying-by-night company. I sell 1.25m cars/month.

Testimonials on a web site are proof she can sell everyone in the UK a car within two years. Does your toddler have a car yet?

NEW FEATURE “There is no free lunch” – YES THERE IS! I bring you free lunch. Nowhere else give you this offer! – Ling

Did you forget that Ling wrote this?

Who is Jeremy Clarkson? I exterminate!

Someone better tell Jeremy Clarkson that a Chinese Dalek is coming to get him. Looks like his opinions have earned him international and interstellar ire.

I test drive cars myself to give you idea of quality and speed.

You no test drive!

This is my Chinese Nuclear Rocket Truck 6×6 7.0 V8, I park it next to A1(M) at Darlington

I think we found Bond’s next mission objective.