Posts Tagged ‘mail’

It’s your birthday, so pay up!

July 2, 2011

The state of Florida is celebrating my upcoming birthday by asking me for money.

It's your birthday!

It's your birthday!

To keep me from feeling too bad, they’ve sent an attractive anime girl to collect the bill and point at a sign. That is rather nice of them, but I’m sure there is a catch I’m not yet seeing. Maybe it has something to do with that talking palm tree.


The AARP wants me

June 8, 2010

I got this in the mail:

AARP membership renewal form

AARP membership renewal form

I don’t remember joining the AARP. Is my memory fading away? My sources tell me I’m still in my early thirties, which is what I recall, so I guess their memory must be fading. I wonder how much money that is costing them.

You can have the USPS hold someone else’s mail

December 14, 2009

I recently went to the United States Postal Service’s web site to request that they hold my mail later this month. The site makes it easy and quick to request the service. This is done in part by doing nothing to assure the requester’s identity. All you need to know is someone’s name and address and you can have the local post office hold their mail. This is distinctly different from submitting a change of address on the site; that requires a credit card. It at least allows a check to see if the requester has lived at the address. There is no such check to hold the mail.

This is just asking for someone to exploit it.

Sign me up . . . for DEATH!

April 7, 2009

I got this one in the mail.

Accidental death enrollment form

Accidental death enrollment form

How would you like to accidentally die, Mr. Jackowski? Check one:

  • Work site dismemberment
  • Vending machine
  • Excessive laughter
  • Pudding
  • Assassination by Jaws †
  • Bomb

Note that none of these options constitutes suicide or terrorism and therefore do not come with any guarantee or expectation of virgins in the afterlife. Further, we are not affiliated with any church or religion, and thus provide no guarantee of an afterlife. However, you will be expected to pay back the loan by making regular payments after your untimely demise.

† This agreement is null and void if you manage to out-smart Jaws and survive the assassination attempt.


September 21, 2008

I got this in the mail:

re|Think your life . . . on purpose

Stop accidentally rethinking your life. You’ll get further if you plan to do it next time.

False Steps

The Space Race as it might have been

You Control The Action!

High Frontier

the space colony simulation game

Simple Climate

Straightforwardly explaining climate change, so you can read, react and then get on with your life.